Lack of plot line, length drop ‘Aqua Teen’ movie

Andrew Gaug

Video games, most “Saturday Night Live” sketches, Wayans Brothers comedies -ÿsome things just shouldn’t be made into movies.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut proved a TV show could get the movie treatment while keeping the atmosphere and enjoyment viewers were used to seeing when they tuned in on TV.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters is not that movie.

Originally an 11 minute Cartoon Network show airing alongside other odd shows such as the pop-culture referencing show “Robot Chicken” and the racially-charged “Minoriteam,” it fits well into the network’s extremely strange and funny Adult Swim block.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie film for Theaters

Starring: Dana Snyder, Dave Willis, Carey Means, Mike Schatz, Bruce Campbell

Distributed by: First Look International

Rated R for crude and sexual humor, violent images and language

Stater rating (out of five): ??

The premise for “ATHF” has nothing to with water, teenagers, hunger or teamwork, but rather three food products – a milkshake named Master Shake, a box of French fries named Frylock and a meatball named Meatwad who all live and quarrel together.

Episodes of the show range from dealing with a suicidal action figure to conflicts with a rapping cow, named Sir Loin, stealing their food to make them experience world hunger. If it all sounds absurd, it is. But often it’s the nonsensical nature of the show that is what makes it hilarious and appealing.

Colon Movie Film for Theaters is more of the same preposterous stories – this time about a giant exercise machine that has the power to destroy New Jersey and the world. But instead of a quick 11-minute fix, it’s a mind-numbing 87 minutes.

The extended length does not work to the film’s advantage. Opening with a comically over-the-top song in the style of the early “Welcome to the Movies” intro, it redoes it with metal group Mastodon performing “Cut You Up With a Linoleum Knife,” where they warn: “Did you bring your baby? / Babies don’t watch this / Take the seed outside / Leave it in the streets / Run over it after the show.”

Problem is, it’s one of the best parts of the movie.

The first quarter of the film introduces the origins of “ATHF,” which serves as a nice precursor for fans and newcomers alike. But for all the random funny jokes, such as a Civil War video game and funny lines from pseudo-villains the Mooninites, there’s just not enough story, or lack thereof, to carry an entire film.

As the movie introduces more characters, it seems to somehow become less funny as it goes on. The initial shock of randomness sets the movie out on the right foot as the Aqua Teens meet up with a time-traveling Abraham Lincoln and fight giant dogs. But when it’s an hour into the film and the same type of ridiculousness is still going on without much story, it gets old.

Fans may argue that Aqua Teen is built on not making any sense, and they’re right. But relying on random characters coming in and out and nonsense subplots being strung along by basically nothing eventually feels like a bunch of Youtube videos that were put together and went on too long.

The Cartoon Network is genius for knowing what its fanbase wants and how much to give to them. Eleven minutes worth of random entertainment from talking food is more than sufficient. An entire movie ends up feeling like the end of a really bad junk food binge.

Contact ALL assistant editor Andrew Gaug at [email protected].