COLUMN: How Nintendo can solve all your problems

Aman Ali

Damn it.

Last week, suicide bombers with alleged ties to Iraqi insurgent leader Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi detonated themselves in three hotels in Amman, Jordan. Fifty-seven people died and many more were injured.

What the hell, dude.

The targets? No prime ministers, U.N. ambassadors or other prominent politicians.

Instead, they took out Moustapha Akkad, producer of the 75 zillion Halloween movies.

Who the hell kills the producer of Halloween? Hmm, the director of Alien vs. Predator better watch his back right now.

(Insert statements about how I’m a peace loving Muslim here.)

I’m not trying to justify terrorism at all. Killing anyone is despicable, cowardly and has no basis in any religion.

(End statement by waving an American flag.)

I’m sick of throwing that disclaimer in there, but there are plenty of people out there that don’t know how to read entire columns before coming to a conclusion.


But seriously, I’m trying my hardest to look at this bombing from their bearded perspectives and not mine. Still, this entire bombing in Jordan makes no sense.

Most of the victims, including Akkad, were attending weddings. Anybody who has been to an Arab wedding knows they throw some of the best parties on the planet. White people, imagine if someone came to your house and broke up your euchre party. That’s how uncool those bombings were.

Dem be fightin’ words.

The places bombed were the Radison, Grand Hyatt and the Days Inn hotels. Who the hell bombs the Days Inn? That’s as stupid and worthless as picking Donkey Kong in Mario Kart. I can imagine the terrorist video about the bombing now:

“Death to the infidels! Unless you lower the prices of pay-per-view movies and make room service available after 10 p.m., we will be forced to take action. Praise Allah!”

Whoever organized bombings, whether it was Zarqawi or Greg Evigan from the 1980s sitcom “My Two Dads,” totally screwed up. Instead of scaring Jordanian citizens, the bombings have increased Jordanian patriotism immensely. Last week, the Associated Press reported thousands of Jordanians rallied to show support for the victims of the bombings and the Jordanian government. Images of thousands of Jordanian citizens standing against terror brought joy to my heart. I haven’t had this much joy since “Home Improvement” finally went off the air in 1999.

I’m a proud Muslim and will always defend my religion and its people. But who I won’t defend are the punks who misrepresent it.

Granted, I’m probably talking to the wrong audience. After all, the city of Kent has as many minorities as it does letters in its name.


But being the die-hard optimist that I am, I’m hoping one of those crazy terrorists who organized the Jordan bombing is reading this.

We’ll settle this not with violence, but with peace. I have Double Dribble on the 8-bit NES. If you’re up to the challenge, I’ll start blowing the dust out of my cartridges now.

Aman Ali is a senior newspaper journalism major and the assistant Forum editor of the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].