COLUMN: When I die, where will I go?

Steve Schirra

I was handed a pamphlet this week.

The title of the pamphlet is intriguing: “When you die, where will you go?”

I read it, and I’ve come to the startling conclusion that I, Steve Schirra, am going to Hell. And not just me, everyone on Earth.

I’ve based this off two statements I read in said pamphlet.

“All have sinned.”

“But all the wicked will perish . . . All sinners will be destroyed. -Psalm 37:20, 38”

So, everyone is a sinner, and all sinners go to Hell.


To be more specific, the pamphlet outlines who, specifically, is going to Hell:

“The sexually immoral, idol worshippers, adulterers, prostitutes, homosexuals, the greedy, thieves, drunkards, drug users, slanderers, swindlers, the unbelieving . . . and all liars will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone.”

Sorry, Kent State, you’re going to Hell, too.

Ironically, when I see people on campus distributing flyers and pamphlets, calling us sinners, one Bible passage comes to mind:

“…’He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone…”

Steve Schirra is a junior English major and Forum editor for the Daily Kent Stater.  Contact him at [email protected].


WHEN YOU DIE, WHERE WILL YOU GO? >: ]Let’s face it, we’re all sinners. But who really has the time to repent these days? With all the church visits and “do-goodings,” it’s kind of hard to sneak in your bi-weekly kegger. That’s why you should accept Hell as a given, and GET WASTED!

I’ll admit, Heaven can be fun . . . for people who are into that kind of thing, like harps and what-not. But at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: Who would you rather party for all eternity with? Jimmy Swaggart or Jimi Hendrix?

List of potential “afterlife party pals:”

  • Janis Joplin
  • Paul Reubens
  • RuPaul
  • Charles Darwin (let’s face it, he’s NEVER getting in to Heaven with that whole “evolution” thing)

So grab your brewski, your lack of morals and get busy A– life is too short to behave

Get your Hell on!

Paid for by Steve Schirra Ministries