‘He’s Just Not That Into You’

Carrie Rupp

Self-help book written by ‘Sex and the City’ consultant, writer popular on college campuses

Credit: Andrew popik

The book He’s Just Not That Into You is popular among college students, according to a study in a February issue of “Chronicle of Higher Education.”

T. John Akamatsu, director of the Psychological Clinic and a professor of psychology, said a self-help book like this is popular because students can seek help anonymously, it’s cheap and they can do it on their own time. These are very important aspects for college students.

Lauren Grandinetti, senior human movement studies major, said she decided to buy the book because she had heard so much about it — and because it was 30 percent off at Barnes & Noble.

Grandinetti said she thought the relationship self-help book was extremely accurate.

“The book was very blunt. Some girls may be too sensitive for it,” Grandinetti said. “But you really have to be open-minded and take it with a grain of salt.”

Carli Figlio, senior communications major, said the book was funny and presented harsh topics in a lighthearted way.

“As much as it hurts to read the book, it’s true,” Figlio said.

“The book just basically says, ‘If he’s not responding to you, stop making excuses for him. He’s just not that into you. And you deserve someone who is completely into you.’ It’s all simple concepts,” she said.

Akamatsu said most self-help books are written in very simplistic formats.

“Self-help books aren’t usually complicated,” Akamatsu said. “They are usually common sense, easy to read. They just offer a different perspective that may allow someone to understand it better.”

The 165-page book, which is set up in a question and answer format, is divided into 16 chapters. Eleven of the chapters are focused on specific “He’s Just Not That Into You If…” ideas: He’s Not Asking You Out, He’s Not Calling, He’s Not Having Sex with You, He’s Having Sex with Someone Else, He Only Wants to See You When He’s Drunk and so on. Each chapter is then summarized by each author, and gives a workbook type exercise to implement what was just learned.

Figlio, who received the book as a gift, thinks most girls, especially girls in college, can relate to the book.

“Most of the stuff in the book is stuff that every girl already knows, but maybe doesn’t want to admit to,” Figlio said. “You never want to think that a guy isn’t in to you, so you make excuses for him or try to change him.

“This book reminds you that you shouldn’t have to make excuses for him. You deserve better. You deserve someone that you’ll never have to make excuses for.”

Making excuses for your partner is something that Akamatsu said is common for women in relationships; especially women who are in serious relationships for the first time, like many women in college.

“The newness, excitement and the feeling of being accepted enough to be in a relationship can cloud one’s judgment,” Akamatsu said. “This can make it easy to ignore obvious signs of disinterest.”

An advantage of self-help books that Akamatsu mentioned is the ability to refer to the book in times of need.

Figlio said if she were in a relationship where a situation arose similar to one in the book, she’d definitely go back and read a section.

“If you’re in a relationship and your guy starts acting different you can look back to the book and see what it says,” Figlio said. “I mean if he hasn’t called you in two weeks, he didn’t get in a plane crash, he isn’t in the hospital with amnesia, don’t make excuses for him. He’s avoiding you. He’s Just Not That Into You.”

Contact Greek Life reporter Carrie Rupp at [email protected]