Nice guys might really exist

Sarika Jagtiani

Credit: Andrew popik

When I told my friend Michelle I was writing about good guys, she quipped, “That’s going to make for a short column.”

Hmmm. Are there really no good guys out there, or do we, as women, not want them? I think it’s a little of both.

Most women I know want a nice guy but often end up dating a jackass.

I used to be just like that, a serial bad boy dater.

Unfaithful? Lousy job? Prone to fits of childlike anger? Call me.

And then I was burned. Multiple times.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of women have to learn the hard way to steer clear of the bad boys. It’s difficult, though, when those are the guys who have the chutzpah to approach you.

Many good guys don’t seem too confident, and confidence is key if you want to get the girl.

There’s nothing more attractive than someone who genuinely likes himself. Not cocky, just happy with who he is.

So, where does this leave the nice guys? Sitting at home watching Star Trek movies and surfing the Net for porn?

No, even secure guys do that.

And speaking of Star Trek, I’ve gone out with a Trekkie, and he was one of the nicest, most fun guys I’ve ever known. And know what? His Star Trek hobby was endearing because it was a passion.

Passion is something a lot of nice guys are missing. I don’t care if it’s for quantum physics, comic books or the Grateful Dead, but if you have a passion, it instantly makes you more attractive.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks this.

“What makes people interesting is being curious about and interested in things and developing those interests to the point of passion,” according to a Psychology Today response to a reader. “That fire draws others to you … Women increasingly want sweetness and understanding in their men — but not at the expense of interests, competence and good old self-confidence.”

Unfortunately, this doesn’t help the nice guys who are sitting around listening to their female friends whine about how the guy they’re currently dating didn’t call. Again.

For these guys, I have some simple advice. Make more friends.

See, one way you get confidence with girls is by practice. Practice flirting; practice dating; practice talking to girls who you don’t know. Girls in class. Girls at the Student Center. Girls at the grocery store. I think if you get some practice in, and realize that girls do respond to nice guys, maybe you’ll gain some of that confidence some of you seem to be lacking.

Also, new people lead to more new people, and more new people, and so on. More people, more potential dates.

Another piece of advice: a little self-deprecation goes a long way. I love self-deprecating guys, but only when I know that at the end of the day, they’re happy with who they are.

If this all seems like useless advice, take heart. It will eventually get better. As you get older, most of you will accept who you are and stop making excuses for what you’re not (insert cheesy self-help music here).

I’ve known, and been friends with, a lot of good guys like you. And know what? They might have been single when I first met them, but they’re almost all in serious relationships or engaged now. So, it may not happen today, but chances are you will find someone who appreciates you.

In the meantime, here’s a little something for the ladies.

Girls, you’re ignoring some of the best guys on campus. Cut them some slack. I know they might not seem exciting or fun at the outset, but give them a chance.

It’s not easy being a guy, especially not one in your late-teens or early twenties. Guys are expected to ask girls out. Guys are supposed to be the aggressors. Guys have a lot of pressure on them, and some of them are just as scared of rejection as you are.

Sarika Jagtiani is a graduate student in journalism and is the Stater’s sex columnist. Contact her at [email protected].