Opinion: Get married the right way — for you

Lyndsey Schley

Lyndsey Schley

Lyndsey Schley is a sophomore news major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater.

Contact her at [email protected].

If you are not a virgin, have had other sexual experiences or have lived with a partner before getting married, you are doing things the wrong way, at least according to Fox News columnist Steven Crowder.

His Sept. 14 column stated that he had gotten married the right way, unlike the “promiscuous charlatans” who had chosen the other route.

He may have conducted his life the right way — for him. However, that does not mean that parties that chose otherwise do not have logical reasons for their decisions.

Crowder’s lifestyle was in no way wrong. Religion was important to him, so he decided to conduct himself in a way that he felt best showed that. He wanted these new experiences to be novel benchmarks in his life. He wanted to look back at these things with the same person. This is according to his values. It also prevents problems like unplanned pregnancies or STDs.

However, there are benefits to doing some of the things that he thinks are wrong.

Living with someone changes your relationship and your lives. This applies to all people: friends, family and lovers alike. My mom loves me, but I’m sure she’s happy that she doesn’t have my unorganized messes all over her house anymore. Likewise, I’m glad I can have things where I want in my residence hall. I feel it helps me remember things.

This is just one example of the everyday conflicts that come with living with someone. It is generally very hard to foresee these things before they actually happen. Sure, one of these problems is not a big deal, and compromise can go a long way, but too many conflicts could cause more stress than a relationship can take.

Knowing this before getting married could help people make the right decisions. However, it is important not to get married just because “you got this far.” It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with someone for six months or six years; if you recognize that the relationship does not work, it is important to end it and move on.

Divorce.com and divorcestatistics.info both list sexual incompatibility as a common cause for divorce. Sex is an important part of life, and if it is ignored, it may lead to problems down the road. Honest communication could help couples that do not want to have sex before marriage figure this out, while compromise and counseling can help a marriage that already has this problem. Knowing that you are sexually compatible with your partner is important. There is no reason to look down on couples that determine this by actually having sex.

There are all sorts of ideas about what makes a marriage real. However, there is no one formula that will definitely lead to a happy relationship. To me, the ideal marriage is a strong relationship that benefits both parties and stands the test of time. That outcome is more important than the path one takes to get there.