After almost two years at Kent State, I’ve thought of some ways to make it better for everyone.

Students: I know you all like to pack up your stuff as soon as the professor hints that class is almost done. The problem is, many times professors end with an important announcement or reminder before dismissal, but thanks to you, nobody can hear it. Your shuffling papers and zipping bags may not seem like a ridiculous disruption, but it is when 75 people do it simultaneously. Packing up your stuff takes five seconds; it can wait.

Students who eat at Eastway or Prentice: If you don’t plan to take your food to go, don’t use a styrofoam to-go container. It stuns me how many of you in those dining rooms use the styrofoam containers when you could ask for a plate. You completely fill the dining room trash bins with styrofoam containers clearly never taken to go. They waste a lot of space in the trash. It takes two seconds to say your order is “for here.” If you can’t manage to do that, you aren’t just lazy, you’re pathetic. Try to not be embarrassingly wasteful slobs for once in your life.

Teachers: If you plan to use technology in your class, make sure you’re really good at using it beforehand. No matter how informative your lectures are, you look extremely stupid if you have no clue how to use your computer, screen projector, etc.

Athletic department: Because 90KSU was successful, the goal now must change. Instead of getting 90,000 people to attend the football games, get 90,000 people to stay for the entire game. A better team would be helpful, but since that is too unrealistic, I have another idea. Don’t give away a bunch of coupons during the pre-game festivities. Give them away to everyone who is still there when the game ends. Encourage your sponsors to make the deals even bigger since fewer people will receive them.

Campaign for Change: Remember those middle school fundraisers in which you could duct tape your principal to the wall if you reach the fundraising goal? I bet the amount of donations to your scholarship fund would double if we get to duct tape Lester Lefton to a wall in the Hub.

Public Safety Department: When I get a text message at 2 p.m. saying you’re canceling classes after 4 p.m. due to weather, why don’t you just cancel all classes immediately? “You still have to go to your classes, but in a few hours we will cancel them.” Weather doesn’t work that way. If the weather is bad now, you cancel classes now, not later. You don’t know how bad it will be a few hours into the future. Forecasts change constantly.

President Lefton: Do you want people to support the next tuition increase when it comes? Tell us the money is going towards extra snowplows. You will find overwhelming approval.

I look forward to these changes.