Which Coffee Drink Are You?

Bridget McLaughlin

The drink you ordered has just been set on the counter, but you realize the barista made a mistake, you say:

A. “There’s been a mistake, this isn’t what I ordered. Could you remake it, please?”

B. “I’m not sure if this is right… Is this right? I’ve never gotten this before.”

C. You don’t say anything because you want to remain in good favor with the employees.

D. “Hey dude, this isn’t what I ordered, but it’s cool. Waste not, want not, right?”

E. “Do you people need Seeing Eye dogs back there? Because this is not what I ordered.”

What would you wear on a first date?

A. Casual classic: jeans and a cute T-shirt

B. Whatever my friends tell me looks best. I’ll try on a bunch of things.

C. Something that says, “I’m a good time, but not that good of a time.”

D. Ripped jeans, flip flops and a beanie. Or should I break out my new Toms?

E. Versace. What am I? A farmer?

If you could drink your beverage of choice out of any of these, which would you choose?

A. Stainless steel travel mug with a no-spill lid

B. The one Lindsay Lohan was holding in Us Weekly. That’s a flask?

C. A mug that says “Is it Friday yet?” with an overwhelmed cat sitting at a desk with papers.

D. An earthenware mug with a pot leaf painted on it.

E. A tiny cup.

Which word appeals to you the most?

A. Utilitarian

B. Popularity

C. Fluffy

D. Cannabis

E. Investments

In a perfect world, where would you live?

A. With my significant other in the ‘burbs.

B. Wherever Oprah tells me.

C. In a complex with extremely attractive tenants circa Melrose Place.

D. Amsterdam, bro.

E. I would strip-mine a sector of Martha’s Vineyard for my summer home, and then move back to New York.

Mosty As= Black coffee

You are all about minimalism, honest work and take a no-frills approach to life. A great friend and colleague, you are dependable. However, you can be horrendously boring and lazy, but let’s focus on the positive.

Mostly Bs= Iced coffee

You’re a little flighty and will try anything once, especially if the Kardashians endorse it.

“Style over substance,” is your rule of thumb when it comes to coffee and dating.

Mostly Cs= Latte

If you’re a man, you’re some level of metrosexual, and if you’re a woman, you just want that metrosexual to like you.

Fun and bubbly, you enjoy speaking in a baby voice to babies and animals. You’ll find love someday.

Mostly Ds= Chai tea

Tends toward the eco-friendly with a shot of pretentiousness. Enjoys a bowl of not- cereal in addition with the tea. Birkenstocks, dreads, PETA pamphlets? Check.

Mostly Es= Espresso

Edgy and prone to outbursts of unbridled rage, you will make a great CEO or mother. You find comfort in Martha Stewart’s rigidity and think most dictators were “misunderstood.”

You can contact Bridget McLaughlin at [email protected].