You might deserve an F, buddy

Ryan Szymczak

Marriage is quietly sneaking out the back door.

Does that bother you? Or do you not even care?

Last week Gabriele Pauli, a German politician, made a shocking, yet uncomfortably realistic suggestion — she thinks marriage should be dissolved after seven years unless both parties consent to extend the bond beyond that point, according to Yahoo! news.

It’s not such a crazy idea.

This generation has swarms of uninhibited tramps, male and female, who make drunken thrusts toward sexual anarchy on a weekly basis.

According to the American Religious Identification Survey, 80 percent of us in the United States claim to be Christian.

If you’ve mastered the art of the hook- up, though, and still claim to be Christian, you’re obviously just faking it.

Christianity shouldn’t be an optional article of clothing that hits the floor of the backseat when you’ve had too much to drink.

A lot of undergrads love to blame alcohol, a popular potion for inducing selective memory loss and cowardly excusing one’s self from personal responsibility.

If you’re a fan of displacing the blame, don’t overlook the adverse impact of increasingly raunchy rap lyrics, Sin City news flashes, and the disgrace otherwise known as MySpace.

Blame rap lyrics and the very poorly veiled innuendoes that continue to incubate the misconception that sexual promiscuity is just a way of life. It blows my mind to hear openly aired step-by-step instructions on how to objectify women in the backseat of a Hummer.

Blame Hollywood, too — its falsely worshipped gods and goddesses and their bed-hopping habits wreck newsstands and moral values on a weekly basis.

And definitely give Tom the middle finger, because MySpace is out of control. Dateline’s Chris Hanson’s head might implode if he waged an in-depth investigation into that poorly supervised pedophile’s playground. It’s practically a nymph factory. There, the barely dressed and hardly legal world of tomorrow compliment the persons who turn them on with lewd picture comments and open invites to screw around.

According to Durex’s annual global sex survey, the United States has a 10.7 average of sexual partners.

How lengthy is your roster list? If you’ve had enough of players that you could pit two teams, and complete with available substitutions against each other in a game of pick-up basketball, you’re part of the problem.

With the way things are going, the only realistic option might be to bid the tradition of marriage a fond farewell. It must have really been something special when the person you married couldn’t qualify as a volunteer prostitute.

And for those fair-weather Christians who aren’t ready to abandon their religion just yet, put your clothes back on. Try to be a little more selective. Drink a little less. Maybe swap some spit with a stranger and stop there if you can.

Two-thirds of STIs occur in people 25 or younger, according to the Center For Disease Control. I’m sorry, but we don’t have a health care system in place to take care of all of you who are pursuing your Ph.D. in STIs.

Do you care that the tradition of marriage is dying? If so, give yourself an “A” and keep your grade up by not degrading yourself with countless casual encounters.

If you don’t care at all, you definitely deserve an “F,” buddy.

Ryan Szymczak is a senior English major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].