Dear parents: I must confess

Abbey Stirgwolt

There’s this guy in the R&B realm called Usher, and he has a couple songs called “Confessions” where he tells his girlfriend he’s cheating on her and his “chick on the side” is pregnant. Don’t worry – I’m not a chick on the side, and I’m not pregnant, either. But I’m going to be graduating this summer, and there are a few things I need to get off my chest, Usher-style. I’m no lyricist, so I’ve simply compiled a list of things I thought you should know:

• One night sophomore year at about midnight, I went on a road trip with my roommates to Pennsylvania just because. We got to Quaker Steak and Lube and turned around. We got free donuts from a shady gas station on the way back, but they were gross, so we threw them out the window.

• Last week, I wrote a six and a half page research paper in the two-and-a-half hours before it was due.

• I went to a haunted house this fall with a few friends, and one of the rooms had strobe lights going the whole time. I think we might have gotten lost, too, because we walked in circles forever. I know people with epilepsy aren’t supposed to hang around strobe lights, but I closed my eyes for a lot of it.

• I used to think coffee was gross. Now, I like it more than I probably should.

• On the night I came home with a friend after the Gaithers concert (yes, you read correctly) and the next morning you wondered what happened to the Christmas candy and thought my friend might have eaten a lot of it. It wasn’t her – it was me.

• I sometimes watch professional wrestling. I even know the difference between Edge and the Undertaker. (If you know what I’m talking about, stop laughing. If you don’t, no harm done.)

• I’ve driven from Kent to Wadsworth in fewer than 30 minutes.

• Sometimes the floor in my apartment gets so covered with clothes, I forget what color the carpet is. On a similar note, if I told you how infrequently I washed my sheets, you might be appalled.

• I am fairly sure I failed my Political Methods final last year. It’s probably one of the only instances I’ve learned the hard way that cramming doesn’t always pay. If I had studied more than a couple hours the morning of that exam, I probably could have gotten a B instead of a C in the class. (But no matter how many more tests I’ll be taking in my lifetime, I’ll always be a crammer.)

• On several occasions, I’ve visited the bars downtown with friends, and I have enjoyed it. Not because I like getting wasted – I’ve never done it and don’t plan to – but because it’s fun to be around people. Sometimes it’s not so much about being intoxicated as it is about hanging out and being real.

In spite of it all, I want you to know I’ve tried my best – for the most part – and hope you’re proud of me. I feel ready to enter the big, big, world, and I couldn’t have done it without you. Many thanks.



Abbey Stirgwolt is a graduating newspaper journalism major and features editor of the Daily Kent Stater. Contact her at [email protected].