I’m going to borrow a little segment from “The Colbert Report” called “Tip of the hat, wag of the finger.” If you have never seen the show, tip of the hat means someone is doing something good, and wag of the finger obviously means someone is doing something bad or stupid. Mr. Colbert, please don’t sue me (even though I rip on your homeboy Bill O’Reilly).

Wag of the finger: The staff at Spearsville School in northern Louisiana. Spearsville holds grades K through 12. A school that size sure needs a lot of teachers to watch all those kids, but one of the fifth grade teachers decided to go to an assembly for the older students, and apparently forgot about the class he/she was supposed to be watching. The saying goes, while the cat’s away, the mice will play, and the fifth grade mice sure did some playing all right, including foreplaying. Four students, an 11-year-old girl, a 12-year-old boy, another 11-year-old girl and a 13-year old boy were caught having sex with each other in a classroom of about 15 while it went unwatched for about 20 minutes. Wag of the finger to you: teacher who was supposed to be watching those horny tikes.

Tip of the hat: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. His agreeing to send home the 15 British troops that were captured in Irani waters was a good one. The Iranian president didn’t stop there; he also gave them some presents to take back to Britain with them. Each British soldier received a vase, some handicrafts, and Persian sweets (Their two week captivity probably left a bad taste in their mouths). Tip of the hat to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for letting them go, along with souvenirs to take home to the wife and kids.

Wag of the finger: Bill O’Reilly the idiot. I hate this guy. What’s the point of having people on your show if all you’re going to do is tell them to shut up? Anyway, Bill here seems to think Iran “won” in the situation with the British soldiers. Apparently letting them go “humiliated Great Britain, and by extension, the USA” he said. He also went on to say “Iran showed the world it could grab the sailors and Marines, humiliate them and get away with it.” OK genius, what would you have rather them done, kill the British soldiers? How is letting them go not the right thing to do? Bill O’Reilly is such a tool; I can’t even stand it.

Tip of the hat: Morissette’s lovely lady lumps. If you haven’t already heard it, Alanis Morissette has done a cover of “My Humps” by The Black Eyed Peas, and it’s awesome. Clearly making fun of the original, she slows down the lyrics and uses only piano for the music. The strength of this cover lies in the music video, where she is equipped with the same hair style, clothes and jewelry Fergie wears in the first video. Dare I say Morissette’s cover is better than its predecessor? OK, it is, but only because it’s so funny. A slowed down, mellowed out “My Humps” pardons her for the “Thank You” music video.

Donny Sobnosky is a senior video and film programming major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].