You say cheat, I say goodbye

Alexia Harris

Picture this: You just got a D on your science midterm, your car has a flat tire and you are stuck walking the campus in the rain without an umbrella. On top of your bad luck, you just received a phone call telling you that your boyfriend is cheating. What should you do? What should you say? How should you feel?

Monique, a Kent State student, Facebooked me a couple of days ago and asked me what my topic was going to be for this week. When I asked her if she had any suggestions, she told me I should write about cheating mates.

Monique cheated on two out of her past three boyfriends.

“I cheated on my first boyfriend because he had a hole in his Timberlands,” she said. “I couldn’t get with that.”

OK, not all people cheat because of a person’s shoes. So why do they do it?

My co-worker Paul, who has been cheated on, said people cheat because they aren’t getting what they need out of their relationships.

“It hurt a lot, but I never blamed myself,” Paul said.

In a recent issue of Playboy, experts said a gut instinct is the most powerful indicator of a cheating lover.

A boyfriend cheated on me because he thought I was cheating on him. He claimed that once he put the thought in his head, it became real to him. I did not find out until months later and was hurt because I thought my relationship was perfect. He later found out I was not cheating.

“There’s a big difference between perception and reality,” Paul said. “You must know the distinction between the two.”

Based on personal experiences, I’ve outlined a few ways to tell if your mate is cheating. He or she:

• constantly picks fights with you.

• talks about your relationship ending when you fight consistently.

• turns the table and starts accusing you of cheating.

• stops saying, “I love you.”

• gets offended when you check up on him or her.

• shows no interest in your relationship’s future.

• seems dispassionate and distracted during sex.

What about a second chance? Is the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” true?

“Every sinner has a future, and every saint has a past,” Paul said.

I believe it depends on the couple. Sometimes no matter how bad you want to stop talking to your mate, you can’t. If this is the case and you both want to work it out, then go for it. Your friends or family may not approve, but it is not their relationship or choice. Whatever your decision is, you are the one who has to live with it.

And before you try to get back at your cheating mate, think about what you are doing. Rebound sex is NOT OK! Being with someone else who is better than he or she is the ultimate comeback.

And no matter how hard it may be, you can’t let your relationship affect your ability to continue with your life.

“Things happen for a reason,” Paul said. “I learned that there are better options out there.”

If your relationship lacks respect, it lacks love. Remember, “you can do bad by yourself.”

Alexia Harris is a junior public relations major and columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact her at [email protected].