8 (and a half) foolproof ways not to get lost on campus

• Go to orientation. You’ll learn the inside scoop about the lay of the land, and maybe even arrange a first date with that cute girl two seats over.

• Take a campus tour. Sometimes they even teach you shortcuts.

• Ask someone how to get from point A to point B. Make sure it’s someone who doesn’t look as lost as you feel.

• Review your schedule more than 5 minutes before it’s time to head to class. And make sure you figure out what the abbreviations mean. (“SFH? What’s SFH?”)

• Carry a map. If you want to be conspicuous about it (and look intellectual in the process), shove it inside a large textbook, and scan as you walk.

• Do a practice run-through of what buildings you’ll be visiting. Nobody will be on campus on Sunday afternoon anyway (except for the other smart ones who are also doing practice run-throughs).

• Stop talking to Aunt Evelyn on your cell phone so you can pay attention to where you’re going.

• Take a bus — they usually have a pretty good idea of where they’re going. (Just make sure you take the right bus.)

• Follow a black squirrel.