COLUMN: Black people: Welcome back to the racial identity club

Aman Ali

There have been some hefty racism debates on the Stater Forum page this week. Seems like it’s that time of the semester again. I can’t wait for the debate on evolution to pop up next.

The latest issue at hand has been the media’s portrayal of black victims during the Hurricane Katrina crisis. Quoting the enlightenment of Snoop Dogg, “Gimme the mic, so I can bust like a bubble.”

Let me get this straight: The media is portraying an entire group of people as a group of criminals? Nah, quit playin’! Oh yeah, I forgot I was Muslim.

Black people, welcome back to the racial-profile club. We missed you. We Muslims took over for you guys after Sept. 11. Hope you enjoyed the vacation, but it just wasn’t the same without you.

It sucks, I know. I’m not surprised if anybody looks at my photo and wonders if I’d come jumping through the page with a box cutter.

The thing is, though, I don’t care. I really don’t. In fact, my sick and twisted sense of humor gets a kick out of it. Every time a hot girl in the hallway walks past me really fast and prays under her breath that I don’t hold her hostage, I start chuckling like Fran Drescher sitting on a dryer with a hyperactive motor.

And black people, you know you’ve had some fun with racial profiling too. Don’t even act like you haven’t won any fights by just giving the other guy that super-cool serious face that I’ve forever been trying to emulate since I first saw Ice Cube in an NWA music video.

By no means whatsoever am I trying to downplay or justify the problems of racism in this country. But what I am trying to do is poke fun and laugh my ass off about it.

I have more important things on my mind to deal with. Like why I’m having trouble finding Flamin’ Hot Cheetos on campus. Or why the seven Papermate Flexigrip pens that I’ve lent out this school year are all missing (you people all know who you are).

And who can forget Kanye West getting heat for his impromptu speech about the federal government targeting black people? I love Kanye West’s music to death. Kanye’s newest CD has been pumped more times into my stereo speakers than steroids have been pumped into Barry Bonds’ arms. Hell, if Kanye’s music was a woman, I’d hump its leg if I saw it standing on a street corner.

That’s all Kanye means to me though. I don’t have an opinion on whether or not Kanye’s comments on NBC were out of line. The only thing that got me mad was when the NBC camera cut to Chris Tucker, he didn’t whip out his high-pitched voice and say, “Man, what the hell is wrong witchu?”

But instead of Kanye West, what America needs right now is some Mary J. Blige. Kent State, sing it with me now:

“I told you leave your situations at the door. So grab somebody, and get your ass on the dance floor.”

White people, I’d make fun of you guys too, but I ran out of column space.

Aman Ali is a senior information design major and the assistant Forum page editor for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].