Bob Patrick

Monthly Kent Satire

Fashion police face brutality charges


Local fashion police are once again battling charges of alleged brutality. The latest round of accusations stem from a Feb. 9 incident involving two Kent State students.

After leaving Ray’s Place at approximately 9 p.m., witnesses claim the two students were accosted by fashion police and subjected to verbal and physical harassment. Police proceeded to berate the students for their popped collars and sideways trucker hats. The officers were reportedly shouting, “Popped collar or sideways hat? Pick one. You can’t have both, you little bastards.”

This is the latest in a string of scandals the department has faced. Last year, the fashion police were caught on tape pulling the mullet of a townie, forcing the department to crack down on overzealous officers.

— Bob Patrick