Campus myths finally uncovered

Bob Patrick

I have always been interested in urban legends, especially those myths that relate directly to Kent State University. I took it upon myself to investigate some popular myths that have been circulating throughout dorms and classrooms in recent years. Here are some of the surprising facts I uncovered.

Myth: Resident assistant training includes a “hell week” during which candidates sleep for only 2 hours a night, eat only dorm food and have to kidnap a faculty member.

Answer: For years rumors have circulated about the Kent State’s elite residential assistants having to cut off ears and strangle kittens to attain the rank of RA. These claims have been subsequently proven false over the years. Due to the secretive nature of the Residential Services community, the RA training process remains cloaked in mystery, but a former RA wishing to remain anonymous said, “You would not believe what they put us through. Navy Seals would soil themselves.”

Myth: Kent State negotiated an out of court settlement in 2001 with several Ohio school districts that had filed a class action suit relating to admissions issues. The settlement allows for students who attended high school in the included districts to have 40 percent of their tuition defrayed for two semesters.

Answer: This settlement was not highly publicized and only a small number of students currently receive the benefit. Call the Office of Settlement Acquisition Accounts to see if your school district is included and take advantage of this free money.

Myth: The library is sinking into the ground at an alarming rate of 2 feet per year because engineers did not account for the weight of the 1874 steam locomotive housed in the 13th floor train museum.

Answer: False. Museum managers assured me the weight of the engine is not substantial enough to affect the library’s foundation.

Myth: The Undergraduate Student Senate exists to ensure meaningful participation in total university governance, secure students rights and status in the university community and provide for the betterment and general welfare of the student body.

Answer: This is clearly a myth.

Myth: Parking Services is not actually affiliated with the university. It is a ruthless rogue organization that employs insidious methods to achieve its ultimate goal of a world free of convenient parking spots.

Answer: Students who frequently receive tickets insist that this myth is true. While investigating this myth, I received a threatening phone call warning me that if I ever wanted to park within two miles of campus again, I should leave the issue alone.

Myth: While attending Kent State, comedian Drew Carey was expelled from the university for hosting a keg party on the roof of Lake Hall. During the party, two students fell through the weakened roof, and police had to use tear gas to subdue a wildly drunk Carey.

Answer: My uncle was there.

Bob Patrick is a junior political science major and a columnist for the Daily Kent Stater. Contact him at [email protected].